Last week was full of new experiences. Last week was the first time in our married life that Tanner and I have spent any time apart, other than when we are at work. I had the opportunity to babysit for a family in my parent's ward for a week, and I also was able to attend the sealing of one of my dearest friends to her sweetheart. It was the first time I've attended the temple since my own sealing!
Becoming, for all intents and purposes, a single mother of four for a week offered some killer perspective on motherhood for me. The first few days were rough, figuring out the kid's personalities, their schedule, and how to communicate effectively were really hard, but eventually I figured it out and was able to hit a groove. I also got really acquainted with sleeping as lightly as possible, in case any of the kids needed me during the night. I had a few (very) early mornings, which were hard on me and my sanity, and I learned that even taking a 2 minute bathroom break is a bad idea, because that's when little fingers get slammed in a door by older siblings.
Being on my own with four littles all week, I gained a huge respect for single mothers. They are superheroes. Basically all mothers are superheroes, because kid-wrangling is HARD STUFF! A few times my sisters came to help me out, and lemme tell you, they were a Godsend. Even if they just played with some of the kids, it was wonderful to not have all that pressure on just me. I'm so, so blessed to be able to have a husband who will become a fantastic father someday. I know he will be indispensable when the time comes! Granted, I'm sure it gets a tiny bit easier when you're the one who's had them around from conception, so you've had time to get used to the idea of motherhood, and you've been with the child since birth, so you know all their little nuances and quirks, and you love them more than life itself, but if I learned anything this week, it's that I am NOT ready to be a mom yet. I'm going to enjoy taking care of just the two of us for a while before we bless the world with another Rhineheart. ;^)
I know that we're still newlyweds, and we're clingy, sentimental, love birds who just can't keep their hands off of one another, but good HEAVENS being away from Tanner was hard on me. Half of the reason I slept so terribly all week was because I had no one to cuddle up to! How strange it is to me that for the past 19 years of my life I've not wanted to share the bed with ANYONE, but now that I'm married I can't stand the idea of NOT sharing the bed! I love having him there beside me. His presence calms and relaxes me, and I didn't get to enjoy that for a week!
Being apart helped me appreciate him more, and it made me realize how much I really need him. Especially when we become parents. There were times this past week where I had been woken up before the sun, and aside from being completely exhausted I was covered in drool, tears, boogers, food, and myriad other substances that I did not even want to think about. I had been pinched, sassed, and ignored the whole day, and all I wanted to do was curl up next to Tanner and try not to cry my eyes out. But he wasn't there, so I just had to soldier on all by myself. I think this is just one of the many reasons why families are so vital. I know I wouldn't be able to function by myself! I need my husband! And, eventually, our kids will need BOTH of their parents. Again, I'm so lucky I've got that guy.
Towards the end of the week, I went to my friend Annie's sealing. I got one of my sisters to watch the kids so I could be a part of that special day, and I am so grateful I was able to go. Walking through the doors of the temple I was immediately overwhelmed by a sense of peace. I saw Annie's parents in the lobby, and I couldn't help but be positively giddy for their family. Maybe it's the hopeless romantic in me, but nothing makes me happier than weddings. Knowing that two people have found the person they know they can't live without is so beautiful! Now that I'm married, however, that feeling of joy is increased tenfold, because I know how great marriage is!
Before the ceremony, I saw my old elementary school teacher, and sat by her. It was so great to be able to see her! Every time I've been able to reconnect with that sweet woman, my day is made better.
When the time came to enter the sealing room, I felt the Spirit so strongly. These two were going to be making such a powerful covenant today, and I had the privilege to witness it! What was even more exciting is that they were sealed in the very same room Tanner and I were sealed in, just over a month before. As I sat through the ceremony, I thought about what a blessing it was to be able to be here for this ordinance. I remember, throughout all our elementary years, Annie and I dreamed about this day. We played "house" in the sandbox countless times, pretending we were wives and mothers with adoring husbands. As we got a little bit older, we would daydream about boys and what it would feel like to kiss one someday. We planned our weddings, talked about crushes, and discussed what our plans were when we became mommies someday in the distant future.
As the years passed, and we graduated from elementary school, we kind of lost contact. But I thought back to our growing up years often, and thought about the time we would both be married someday. Every now and then we would talk, and I still felt that comfortable friendship we had developed so long ago. We were finally able to discuss what it actually felt like to kiss, and, yes, it was every bit as awesome as we hoped it would be.
Then we each got engaged to our sweethearts within weeks of each other, and it got even more exciting. Our dreams were finally coming true! We would really start living the fairytale life we had hoped for all our lives!
Well, real life is far from being a fairytale. Marriage is wonderful, and living life with my best friend is the biggest blessing I've received, but it is also hard. We've had to make sacrifices, and have had to compromise, and have had to come to terms with the fact that life just doesn't always turn out the way you want it to, despite your best efforts. We're never going to ride into the sunset on a white horse, never to worry again. We're never going to magically solve our problems at the drop of a hat, and we're never going to have little woodland animals clean our house- which is actually a big bummer.
Right now, the reality is that being married is tough. Each of us has a job (which is SUCH a good thing, don't get me wrong), but the hours conflict terribly. Tanner gets up super early and is still working when I have to leave for the evening shift at my job. We hardly see each other except for weekends, and even then I often have to work. If I were a Disney princess, we wouldn't have this problem.
We are also struggling to find a place of our own to make a home. Apartment hunting is tedious, applications can be expensive, and finding a place that isn't falling apart or in a scary neighborhood is not a walk in the park, to say the least. Craving independence and having to be patient is not ideal, and if Tanner was a dashingly handsome young pirate, sailing the seven seas and racking up a fortune in jewels and doubloons, we wouldn't have to worry about how we would pay for rent AND car insurance and still manage to have enough for groceries.
Real life isn't a fairytale. In real life, prince charming snores, and the princess has really bad morning breath, in addition to an expanding waistline and hairy legs. In real life, we don't get to be independently wealthy. We have to work for every single penny we make, and even then it's hard to scrape by. In real life, sometimes your relationship simply isn't as passionate as it used to be, because now the two of you have so many responsibilities it's all you can do to kiss your spouse goodnight before falling asleep and repeating everything the next day. Real life has a lot more arguments, diapers, sleepless nights, bills, and heartache.
Real life is not, and never really will be, a fairytale.
But I wouldn't trade it for a thing. Fairytales don't have the late-night belly laughs. Fairytales don't have the spontaneous 'dates' that consist of filling the car's tank and grabbing some ice cream. Disney princesses will never dance in the canned food aisle with their prince because their song came on over the radio. They will never search Yelp for a new restaurant and find a new favorite place to get pizza on a lazy afternoon. Fairytales will never tell you how exciting it will be when you and your husband get your first pet together, nor will they ever tell you how fun it is to dream about your future home with your lover. And fairytales can't even eclipse the wonder and joy that will fill your heart as your family grows over the years. Why would I want anything less than real life and all the joy it brings?
This past week was one life lesson after another, and even though they weren't always the most exciting, they taught me so much. Being able to go from an established family to the temple and see the beginning of a brand-new family was beautiful, and I'm so, so glad I was present for it. It's so comforting to know that we had so many opportunities for our lives to change to the point where the temple wasn't an option or a goal, but we stayed true to our standards, and now we will be blessed for it. I hope that Annie and her sweet husband have a beautiful life and a celestial marriage, and I hope they are able to enjoy everything that life has to offer.
I think I'll take a happy life and marriage over a fairytale ending any day.