02 03 The Rhineheart Roost: Letting myself be loved. 04 05 15 16 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 31 32 33

Letting myself be loved.

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Wow, blogging friends, it's been forever! Sorry I fell off the radar for a bit. Of course, as soon as I decide to take a brief hiatus from blogging, EVERYTHING seems to change. The most noteworthy change in my life being Tanner, who is the boy I am completely, hopelessly in love with.
Ain't we just fancy?
Being with him has been the most wonderful decision I've made in my life, and I can't begin to tell you how happy I am to have finally found someone who seems to like me as much as I like them. We're preeeetty much the cutest couple ever. No offense, but it's true.
Suuuuuh cute
Falling in love with him was easy; one of the easiest things I've ever done. But loving him and letting him love me is a different story. Letting another person into your life isn't easy. It takes work to stay together, and you have to make sure it's what you truly want. But most of all, you need to learn how to be loved.
That's what Tanner and I are learning, and lemme tell ya... It hasn't been an easy ride.
You see, the two of us are both very independent human beings, and up until now we didn't really NEED anyone. But then we found each other and decided that we needed someone after all. And that, friends, has been an adjustment. Going from taking care of just myself to trying my best to care for my sweet boy has been a bit of a wake-up call: do I know how to love someone and care for them? Am I doing all I can to make sure he knows how I feel about him? Am I helping him where he needs help, whether he asks for it or not?
Caring for him has been easy enough. I love taking care of and loving other people, and that part has come so naturally. The tough part, however, is when it comes to him fully receiving my love, in addition to me fully receiving his love.

I've always been a very independent person. I like to take care of things myself, and I don't enjoy asking for help. It's not that it makes me feel weak, I just hate to feel like I'm inconveniencing them somehow. And so I try to avoid asking for help wherever and whenever possible. Because I can take care of myself, and until now, I haven't realized just how wonderful it is to have someone take care of you. Whether it be getting me some bottled water because he knows how much I hate the tap, or buying me lunch when I get home from work almost an hour late, to staying around to make sure I feel better when my stomach starts acting up, my Tanner has been there. I appreciate those little things more than he'll ever know, and I can only hope to reciprocate them somehow. But here's where it gets difficult:
I don't know how to react to or ask for help. So, more often than not, I react with "you did NOT need to do that for me!" "Oh, I didn't need this," or "I'm fine. I don't need anything right now. I can handle it." But he's stubborn and usually helps me anyway, bless him.
I find myself saying "need" way too often for it to be effective. Do I really NEED a water bottle when I have tap water at home? No, I don't. But do I NEED Tanner to know he's appreciated, and that I love it when he does those things for me? Yes, yes, a thousand times yes.
I adore this sweet boy of mine.
Likewise, I need to be able to help him and serve him in any way I possibly can. He is so important to me, and helping him out when he needs-or doesn't need- it makes me happy.
However, he has much of the same problem I do. He's an independent person, and doesn't always want to accept the help I try to offer. But we're both stubborn, so I usually end up helping him out anyway. ;^)

The hardest lesson for both of us to learn so far has been to swallow our pride and let ourselves be loved. It's certainly not a walk in the park, but I wouldn't want anyone else working through it all with me. I'm SO lucky to have found him, and I can't wait to love him forever.

Oh yeah.... Did I mention we're engaged??

I'll tell you that story soon! ;^)

~Haeley

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