02 03 The Rhineheart Roost: I am homesick. 04 05 15 16 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 31 32 33

I am homesick.

Every one in a while I get hit really hard with homesickness. For some reason, the past few days have been particularly difficult for me, but I haven't really been missing people. I've been missing places, which is a first, because I am so in love with Thatcher you would think I wouldn't miss anything at all, but I do. I've found that it helps if I write about these things, so I will do so now. (why else would I be blogging about it?)

What triggered this latest bout of homesickness was just about the weirdest thing ever. I was listening to Hellogoodbye's latest album, and at the end of their song "Summer of the Lily Pond", there's an echo-y trumpet part, and for some bizarre reason it reminded me of downtown Main Street in Mesa. It reminded me of the old music store Milano's, and how you could almost always hear music somewhere on that street. I love the sound of music played outside. It sounds airy, and I love live performances- something that happens quite frequently on Main Street. Live music. I miss that so much, to be frank. Music here is all from YouTube, Spotify, or other internet radio stations. There's no live music.

I also miss lunch on Main Street. (yes, I'm referring to high school.) I miss walking up to the bank and sitting on the highest story, overlooking the whole city. I miss chatting with my two best guy friends up there, just enjoying each other's company and not having to worry about our latest utility bill and how much higher it is this month than last month's. I miss walking around the MAC with my sister in the morning before class started, putting our feet in the water and being able to talk through our problems. I miss having math lab with her. I miss quietly laughing over stupid things with her. I miss doodling with her.

I REALLY miss going on walks/long bike rides back home. I miss the greenbelt, and how beautiful it looked just as the sun was going down. I miss the canal just across from it. I miss being able to see huge goldfish splash around in the water if I waited just long enough. I miss hearing all the birds chirping as the evening drew closer. I missed the silence that came with being on the walking trail in between the canal and the greenbelt; a silence so uncharacteristic of Mesa. I miss the yellow flowers that grow everywhere by the canal. I think I miss this area so much because I love going there with people I love, especially since there's someone new I want to show it to now. I want to share the little piece of heaven I found in my neighborhood, and now I can't, because I am too far away.

I guess what I'm saying is I'm kind of tired of this right now. I want to go home and be young enough to not have to worry about my bills. I don't want to have to figure out what to have for dinner. I want to go to Jamba Juice or Bahama Buck's with my sisters. I want to stay out too late with my friends, doing dumb things like getting caught in the sprinklers at the park because we were there past closing time. I want to be able to wake up and play with my dog, and hear my baby brother's lisp as he asks me to play with him. I want to hug my mom when I want to, because she's right there. I want to hear my dad come home, and I want to hear my nickname again.

I guess I just want to stop being lonely.


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