02 03 The Rhineheart Roost: Four months from today 04 05 15 16 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 31 32 33

Four months from today

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As of August 1st, the lease on my new apartment begins.
New.
Apartment.
As in, I am MOVING OUT in four months. I graduate next month, and my life really, officially begins.
Up until today I have been nothing but excited and generally overjoyed about the whole deal. I'm just so jazzed to be starting this new point in my life! I will be an independent adult! Living in a small town, and learning how to live on my own! Stressful, but necessary.

Of course, this has been the hot topic of conversation between me and my parents as of late, and I know I'm going to miss them terribly, and I know they're going to miss me too, but it just hasn't seemed like that much of a big deal until tonight. Tonight it all got real.

I was out on a walk with my two little brothers, and somewhere along the way, I remarked that I was moving out in four months.

"April Fool's! ....Right?" Thing 1 said. I said no, it was true, and he sighed. "Dangit!"

"Why?" I asked him.

"I'm really going to miss you.... But when you have babies I'm going to be an UNCLE!" I rolled my eyes a bit at that last comment (my siblings want nothing more than for me to have babies so they can have little nieces and nephews), but the fact that he was really going to miss me hit me hard. We continued walking, and Thing 2 kept saying he didn't want me to leave.

"I want you to stay here until we're grown up!" He giggled. I laughed along with him, but inside I started getting sad. My siblings were actually going to.... Miss me. 

Now, I know my parents will miss me, and they've said so repeatedly, but parents have to say that. Siblings are just... Well, different.
To be honest, I don't feel like that great of a sister. I lose my temper too easily, and I think I fall short in a lot of areas. I don't think I'm a good example; rather, I feel like I'm an example of everything you're NOT supposed to do in high school. I often think I don't deserve their love, so hearing that they will actually miss me is huge.
After we got home, we snuggled a little bit and then Thing 1 dashed off to play Legos while Thing 2 and I made some chocolate milk. Standing there in the kitchen, while Thing 2 fiddled with his little apron and licked the chocolate off a spoon, I realized I was going to be leaving him in just four short months. Suddenly, I wanted to pick him up and hug and kiss him until he couldn't breathe. I can't bear the thought of leaving him. That's going to be so, so hard. I've been here for all of my siblings. I've watched them grow up, and knowing I'm not going to be in the house for the majority of his childhood is hard to take in.
Geez. I've been crying through this whole post. I'm such a baby.



Gonna miss that little booger.
I'm going to miss all my siblings. Heck, I'm leaving my whole family!

This is going to be an adventure, but it'll be a tough one.
Growing up is hard.

~Haeley

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