02 03 The Rhineheart Roost: Diva's Lament 04 05 15 16 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 31 32 33

Diva's Lament

(sorry about the swear. This song just fits the title. And how about her voice, eh? Dang. :P)
Production week is finally here, and opening night is tomorrow! You'd think the nervous anticipation and good notes I've gotten would make me happy, but I am not.
I am furious.
Permit me to have a little fit of rage on this blog, will you? Thanks. I appreciate it.
I really am not loving my costume, you guys. I'm really not. First off, it's made of this icky looking crushed velvet,

Say it with me, children: TACKY.
And it's made in the style of the Austen-era dresses. So, like this:
Which sounds pretty in theory, but I discovered something: When you're as short as I am, and your hips are as ample as mine, you end up looking like a pregnant walrus stuffed in a trash bag.
Which is all well and good, I mean, I can deal with that. I'm used to looking fat onstage, that just comes with the territory of having curves. But they decided to rub a little bit of salt in my fatty wound, because the sleeves are so tight I can barely move in them. Last time I checked, arm corsets weren't in style, um, EVER. So I basically become Barney for the night.
Look deep into my eyes.
So my movements are extremely restricted, and that screws me up, because as the Queen of Hearts, I move a LOT. And instead of helping a sista out, the costumer said to suck it up and make it part of my character. Which irritates me, but I've learned to adapt- kinda. It's still difficult, but it's not nearly as bad as.... The Wig.
The wig deserves a special little corner of hell, to be perfectly frank. It's horrible, it's terrible, it's itchy, it's hot, it's as ugly as golem,
Ugly? Whaddaya mean, ugly?
I just.......... hate it. Maybe it's because I'm in a show, so I'm just mentally in Broadway, but gosh, I feel like this towards the wig:
Just apply the lyrics to the wig. It's perfectly fitting, and actually kind of hilarious to picture. Can't you just see the girls singing about a wig? HA.
The thing is, I KNOW I'm not supposed to look "pretty" in this show. I GET THAT. But I hate being ugly. I already have self-image problems as is. I don't need that horrid hairpiece getting in the way. It's also not even CLOSE to looking steampunk, which is stupid, because that is what the whole freaking play is themed. I look like Edna Mode.

Or maybe this dude:
The possibilities are ENDLESS when you look this ugly!
I just realized we're all short, loud, and sassy. Great. I really AM one of them now.
Anyway, I HATE the way it looks. It's a very round shape, which makes my face look round, which makes my body look round. And as we've stated before, I have issues with that. So, I look like an evil Pillsbury dough boy. :^( I hate feeling like this. I hate being a brat. I hate being whiny. But I HATE feeling disgusting. I just look terrible. I was hoping I might look pretty in this one, but oh, no! Not so!
The horrible thing about it all is they won't let me change it! I would willingly dye my hair black for this role, and there are so many other ideas that would actually FIT THE DANG THEME, but apparently, I'm a puppet with no mind of it's own.


(I realize that was a tad dramatic and abrasive, but I'm still riding the adrenaline from tonight, and hello? I'm the queen. Aren't I entitled to fits of rage??)

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