This crap is stressing me out. I am trying to be healthy and lose a pound or two, in addition to earning as much money as possible in order to get a prom dress worth wearing. I have a VERY specific dress in mind, and I've been irrationally stubborn in regards to attaining said dress. No other dress seems as perfect as the one I have in mind, and I'm having immense difficulty coming to terms with the thought of having to get a different one.
That dress. Right there. That's the one.
So I've been doing tons of babysitting, and trying to eat really healthy/exercise, and I've been doing really good- but today I totally fell off the wagon. I think it started because I had to weed Satan's Garden this morning. It. Was. Torture. Waist high, thick, thick weeds, COVERING A HEALTHY-SIZED YARD. I was grateful for the opportunity to earn more money, but it was so frustrating at the same time. I kept repeating "it's for the dress. You can do this for the dress. The dress will be worth it. Think. Dress. Think. Dress." I didn't get to finish it all, but I'll come back later. The worst part about it was definitely the seeds. Little tiny yellow seeds all up in my gloves, in my hair, and even IN MY EYES. I PULLED THREE FRICKIN' SEEDS
SEEDS DO NOT GO IN NICE GIRL'S EYES.
It was not a fun time. So here I sit, with a butt that's as sore as the day is long, legs that are blistered and strained, and fingers that weep gently every time I move them. All for the sake of my dress. I'd better look gorgeous in that thing, or I'll torch the world.
Maybe I'm being dramatic, but this dress seems almost crucial to my happiness. With a few simple alterations, I feel like I would be able to feel my most beautiful-which is kind of important, when you take my date into consideration. I want to be beautiful for him. And no, it's not because of who it is. Every formal dance I've been to, I have a need to feel as beautiful as possible, because I want to have my date appreciate my appearance. Vain, isn't it? But I want to give them something in return for asking me out (or in some cases, agreeing to go with me), by looking and feeling my best. When I feel beautiful, I think it makes me look more beautiful, which leads to me having a better time and then I can take the focus off my looks and try to make my date feel as comfortable as possible. So that's why I want this dress. I need to feel beautiful before I can feel comfortable, and Prom is a big deal, so I want a dress to match the occasion. I don't want something super bright and flashy, and I don't want something super poufy or fluffy. I want simplicity, beauty, and elegance. And I feel like that dress provides it.
But I digress. I majorly screwed up today as far as eating goes. I've been trying to limit my portion sizes and only eat natural foods/ cut out dairy and meat, but since I went on a date today, I ate more than I intended to, and then I made everything worse by eating ice cream at home and taquitos for dinner. So I feel like a fatty, and it's making me super uncomfortable. So tomorrow I am making up my mind to have a renewed vigilance in my diet of sorts, so that I can look my best in my dress.
Also, I dreamt the other day that Prom sucked. So I'm trying my best to make sure it doesn't.
Boy, you'd better be ready for the best Prom of your life. This is (almost) all for you. A good chunk of it is for the dress.
But also you. Because you're, you know, my date and stuff. And I want to feel good about this whole shebang.