02 03 The Rhineheart Roost: Panic 04 05 15 16 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 31 32 33


Early this morning I woke up in an absolute panic. So bad, in fact, that I could not get back to sleep for the life of me! I tossed and turned, trying to get more comfortable, but the panicky feeling would not go away! I was freaking out, people. Freaking out! Why was I freaking out?
Because in two weeks and 1 day (15 days, to be exact), I
I am not okay with this, contrary to popular belief. I am freaking out so much, that I'm trying not to hyperventilate.
I canNOT get older! Where did the time go? GAH!!! I am trying my best to ignore the fact, but, stupid me, I put up two freaking countdowns on my BLOG of all places. I can't just take them down! I have to wait the full fifteen days because I'm too stubborn to do otherwise. And I like sharing my songs with you guys. It's calming, somewhat. But really, I am petrified of turning sixteen. I honestly am scared. Probably because deep down I have really high hopes for this birthday (I've been dreaming about it since I was five! Doesn't every little girl?), and I don't know how to let go of those hopes. I just have to accept the fact that my birthday will probably suck, and move on. My birthdays are usually kinda lame, I don't know why I haven't caught on to this trend in my development.
Another reason I don't want to turn sixteen is my license. On one hand, I think it's really lame how I have to get a graduated license (that means no fun-er, it's pretty much the same thing as my permit), and I have to wait six months before I'm officially on my own. On the other hand, I'm so scared that I'll get into an accident once I really AM on my own. Plus, for the driving test portion, I'm super nervous because I won't have my Daddy in the car with me. I've hardly ever driven without him! I'm going to panic and die in the car before the test person even has time to say "okay, go".
And last but probably most heavy on my mind, dating. Duh. I've always pictured myself as the type of girl who will always be going out with someone (yes, vain. I know), and I'll have a great time all the time. But I gave myself a reality check: I'm probably NOT that kind of girl, and I WON'T be dating people very often. Plus the one person I really DO want to date won't be sixteen for a while afterward, and that breaks my heart. I HATE being older sometimes. UGH. I've already got my first date lined up on the 20th, and every time I think of that, my stomach hurts. What if I mess up? How am I supposed to tell him what our colors are?! AAAAUUUGGGGHHH!!! I'm so confused. I haven't even found a dress, for heaven's sake! I'm horrible at this already. :^(
So there is my emotional little pity-party. Boo hoo.

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