02 03 The Rhineheart Roost: Oh, sweetie. In other words, an open letter to myself. 04 05 15 16 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 31 32 33

Oh, sweetie. In other words, an open letter to myself.

34
That's what I thought to myself as my latest little misadventure unraveled. Oh, sweetie. You should have just sucked up your pride and asked for help. Now look what you've done! But alas, I didn't listen to myself, so now I must live with the everlasting shame of...
Not knowing how to boil an egg.
Yes, you heard that right. I can't boil a freakin' egg. So now, in case you had any doubts about my alarming inability to cook, you will know of a surety that I, Drama Queen #1, can not, under any circumstances, cook. Making a smoothie is difficult for me- do you think I'm totally lame yet? No? Maybe some photographic evidence would be nice, yes?
 No, this is not noodles, silly string, or hair. This is egg.
 As you can see, I did not have the common sense to put the eggs in the pot FIRST, then fill it with water, and then, AND ONLY THEN, could I safely boil it. No, I boiled the water and plunked the eggs in, in what I thought was a very careful manner. Apparently my eggs didn't think it was careful enough.
 Rule of thumb: do NOT put your eggs in already-boiling water, as they will crack and start leaking egg white all in the water.
You also shouldn't try another egg to see if the second time turns out better, because it won't. In fact, it'll get WORSE. Next time, darling, just Google it. Or ask for help. I cannot stress that enough, love, because if you want to get married and provide for your hot husband and adorable kids, you are going to have to cook. The sooner you realize this, the faster you can get help.
That's the last time I crave egg salad sandwiches.

-DQ#1
(p.s. if you're looking for a sweeter side of sass, read the post just below this one. Warning: contains a cute boy.)
35 36 37 38