Today was... Unique, at best. In ballroom today, we decided to do tricks with swing. That meant sliding, dropping, twisting, and... *gulp* flipping.
My self-esteem isn't exactly glowing, so this prospect terrified me to no end. How on earth would I be able to pull that off? It was like my teacher was asking me to cartwheel off a tightrope. Well, not quite that bad, but close. Really, really close.
Needless to say, I was absolutely, positively, and achingly terrified. I was going to hurt myself or worse- the boy in question. We started out with something simple enough, called the Death Drop which, surprisingly, wasn't nearly as scary as it seemed. You just had to stage-fall sideways, spin on your rear, and slide out from under the boy's legs. Simple? Yep. Scary as heck? You betcha.
But my partner was so sweet about the whole thing, and helped my up every time. So that made it fun, but then we moved onto something really, truly horrific. We'd have to do the trust fall, and then the boy would step over us, flipping us so we were facing the floor, before stepping over again and leaving us right-side-up at last. This I was NOT looking forward to by ANY stretch of the imagination. Every time we tried, it seemed like I was going to fall flat on my face. And I almost did, until the teacher suggested I try someone a little taller. So I got someone who was shorter, but more muscly. And we were able to do it, but it was so embarrassing. He almost dropped me because I was too heavy.
I love ballroom, I do, but the problem is... I'm "pleasingly plump", or "Xtra Lovely", or "huggable", or whatever you want to call it. Truth is, all the other girls in there are very slender, and I'm not, so that poses a huge confidence problem. I steer clear of the lifting stuff, because I don't want to give my poor unassuming partner a hernia.
Another issue is I know that that little problem makes me in some way unattractive. Oh sure, I may have a borderline pretty face, but that's not gonna get me too far in life. In high school, where physical appearance is so major, I feel pretty lunky.
So I avoid all scenarios where my weight may be questioned, and we're fine.
But sometimes it's unavoidable.
Like today, where we had to do tricks.
We actually did that one right there ^
I was NOT feelin' the love, so I watched the other, smaller girls flip and spin and squeal, and I tried to hold it together. And then this boy came up to me and asked why I was just standing there and not doing tricks, so I told him I was scared and too heavy. (Bear in mind that this charming young man is basically, a bean pole. In a nice way.) But he didn't give up, people, he didn't give up! He was persistent, and sweet, and didn't seem to take in the fact that I'm fluffier than others. It was like he didn't notice/care, and that meant so much to me. Why? Because often in ballroom, I get partnered up with this boy who thinks he's pro, and it kinda seems like he doesn't want to dance with the squishy girl on campus. He's nice, sure, but... It's hard to explain.
But that other boy is so nice! *disclaimer: I'm not crushing on him, fyi. He's just nice.*
Make all girls feel special, guys, even if you don't "like like" them, okay? I make an effort to make sure that you feel included and important too, don't worry.
THAT was a random rambling post, so I hope you can at least sift through the girly-ness and crazed emotions to find some kind of purpose. In a nutshell... Make us feel special.