02 03 The Rhineheart Roost: (mis)adventures in BABYSITTING 04 05 15 16 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 31 32 33

(mis)adventures in BABYSITTING

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About the caps...
I'm bored. Sue me.
Today I went babysitting. For six hours. In a time frame that long, you have to expect something exciting to happen, and, naturally, it did. First stop we made was to Edison for the ick-tastic free lunches they offer during these hot summer months, and we waltzed down, us four, to be fed. We got there and instantly the "psycho" theme song started playing in my head. The place looked prison-like, and it was freezing. It smelled like... like... like.... a cafeteria.
To make matters worse, I had one of those "zoning" moments that are a sort of trademark "me" thing to do, and I stared into space for a few seconds before realizing I was, in reality, staring at a hugely pregnant lady who was returning my stare with a small amount of contempt. Oops.
In reality, it wasn't all as bad as I originally thought it would be (three kids under five, a cafeteria, crossing a major street- I had my reasons for fear), just some drama in getting the youngest to eat. I didn't blame her, the bread was white. White= NASTY. And it was pb&j, which, as we know, is the worst sandwich known to mankind. OH MY GOSH I JUST POPPED MY EARS IT FEELS SO GOOOOOD! Hem, sorry. I have a cold, so that right there^ was a major accomplishment. THERE GOES THE OTHER EAR!!
Excuse my antics. On with the story. She ended up downing some applesauce, so I named it a small victory, and we left the heck-hole that we call public schools, and went home. Then it was naptime!! *happy dance* I plopped the kids down, said 'night, and went to entertain the oldest with a movie. He chose a painfully moronic '86 robot movie, and we were set for the next two and a half hours. I fell asleep halfway through it, to, you know, spare my braincells. When I wake up, it's because I notice awkward energy, meaning the credits have finally started, and the kid is looking at me like I'm some kind of idiot for not turning off the TV. So I shake off the tiredness, and we set up the Wii.
The little boy is playing Mario, and I look up at the screen just in time to witness...
A GIGANTIC COCKROACH-LOOKING MONSTROSITY FLYING RIGHT BY MY FACE. FLYING RIGHT BY MY FACE. FLYING RIGHT BY MY FACE. 
 So naturally, I scream my lungs out, and so does the little boy. In that split second, we bond, because we are practically in each other's laps, and when you are in people's laps, it is simply impossible to not have some degree of bonding take place. I collect my wits and do the smart thing: call my mother, who is twenty minutes away.
"Mommy", I whimper, "there's a giant cockroach flying around the room."
"Flying??! EW!"
"Yeah. So what should I do?"
"Well, you should find something to whack it with, like newspaper. I'm sorry, sweetie. Bye!"
I wished I had laser vision so I could murder that atrocious pest, but I didn't, so the little boy and I bonded some more by using our awesome teamwork skillz and throwing a Lego box on top of it and then covering it with various objects strewn about the room. We finally relax, and make further plans for action in case It Escapes.
Half an hour later, I'm taken home, and I can let the emotional healing take place.
Then I get a text: "It was just a giant June bug! :)"
Oh, well, that helps. No- seriously. June bugs sound reassuringly less horrific than roachies, but I was still traumatized.
Until next time, this is Super Sitter signing off.

-DQ#1
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