02 03 The Rhineheart Roost: Annoying myself. 04 05 15 16 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 31 32 33

Annoying myself.

Low self esteem.... There's nothing like it.
I've been suffering a particularly nasty bout of it lately, and I would absolutely adore it if the "lowsies" would just disappear, because feeling awesome is the best thing ever. I suppose this'll pass, but I figured I may as well document it for posterity, so I can tell my kids that I, too, am human. Anyway...
I'm not cool. I think that's pretty much a known fact about me, that I am not a "cool" person. I'm just weird. It's okay, I understand. I realized a long time ago that I was weird, and I used to be okay with that, and I embraced it, but it just seems that I'm the only one embracing my oddities (is that a word?). Sigh.... But this is beside the point.
You see, I've always had a little fantasy of making it big in music, by using my vocal talents and kick-butt sense of... whatever. But the more I think about it, the less and less it seems that I'll ever make it. I don't even know how to put music to the songs I've written, so how could I ever record them? Oh, sure, I could learn, but recording costs money, doesn't it? I don't have that money right now, and it's depressing. I want to take a bite out of life and make a mark on it, but I don't think I can ever become a singing sensation. Ugh... Which is a total bummer, because I also have the sweet "I can do this!" days, but reality isn't always so kind. One of these days, maybe I'll do an open mic night or something and a talent scout will be there, and then he'll be swept off his feet my my pipes, and then I'll get a record deal and move up to the number-one hit single list in iTunes. But until then, I'm stuck dreaming.

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