Today we had dance practice for the big concert. It was pretty good, and it gave me some food for thought.
First of all, the oldest dancers are AMAZING. I loved watching their dances, I even caught myself moving a little to the music and their moves. They had so much energy, and it was a cool experience to just be in the same room as them. It was kinda strange though, like they were saying in their heads, "We know we're better than you and we're not afraid to show it." But it didn't sound mean, just true. We knew they were better than us, so we were content to simply watch and drool a little. Mmm... Sorry, I just got lost in a cup of cider. So good... Anyway, my group was first, so we got to dance in front of all of the beautiful dancers. I think we did well, I need to work on my centering though. A lot. Then we moved on to the other Dance 1 classes. I actually think we did a lot better than I thought while onstage. But, I still think we need to work on it. Especially me. When I started dance, I thought to myself, yes. I can do this! I am an okay dancer! But then as the classes progressed, my skill seemed to dwindle, and I would rethink my reasons for doing this. I'm still rethinking my reasons. It's just, during class I try as hard as I can, and I try to push myself, but I always run into hitches in what I'm doing, my timing, and I get self-conscious, and that's about when I flub. I think if I weren't so scared of what I look like, much less cared what other people think I look like, I wouldn't have this issue. But since I'm a little fluffier than the rest of the girls [most of which are not even toothpicks- they're NEEDLES], I freak out and I can't do it anymore. So I've decided I will not take dance next semester. Which is sad, because when I think about it, I really, really love dancing. But until I'm in better shape, I'll have to just watch from the sidelines until I can take my place in the spotlight, not for acting alone, but my dancing.